Handcuffs in Bed: How to Use Them Safely (and Why Play Cuffs Beat Metal Ones)

Handcuffs are the restraint everyone thinks of first and the one I most often tell people not to use, at least not the police-style metal kind. They are thin, hard, and unpadded; they ratchet tighter when the wearer moves, which puts a steel edge on the radial nerve at the wrist; and they need a key, which is the one object guaranteed to be somewhere else at the moment you need it. If you want handcuffs in bed, buy cuffs designed for play, with a non-tightening lock, padding, and a quick release, and you get the look, the click, and the fantasy without the trip to the emergency room with a numb hand. If you already own metal cuffs and are going to use them anyway, the rules for doing that without harm are below.

I have had this conversation many hundreds of times through the store, usually with someone who bought a cheap pair of novelty cuffs or inherited a real pair from somewhere, and I understand the appeal; the click of a ratchet and the sight of a partner's wrists in steel is a specific and powerful thing. So this guide is not just "don't." It covers why metal cuffs are a bad restraint, how to use them as safely as they can be used, the play cuffs that give you the same scene, what to actually do with a cuffed partner, the questions people search for (what fluffy handcuffs are for, where to buy them, whether they hurt, how to get out of them), and how to clean them afterwards.

This is a chapter of bondage for beginners. The nerve injury that metal handcuffs cause is explained in bondage safety.

Why police-style metal handcuffs are the wrong restraint

• They tighten. A standard handcuff is a ratchet: the arm swings through the body and clicks tighter with every notch, and it does not click back. When a cuffed person struggles, pulls, or just shifts, the cuff tightens. Most cuffs have a "double lock" (a pin pushed with the key tip) that stops the ratchet, and almost nobody uses it in bed.
• They are thin and hard. A steel band about a centimetre wide, with edges, concentrating all its pressure on a line. Compare a padded cuff four centimetres wide.
• They sit on the nerve. The radial nerve crosses the thumb side of the wrist just above the wrist bone, exactly where a handcuff sits and tightens. Numbness and weakness in the hand from handcuffs ("handcuff neuropathy") is a recognised injury in police custody literature, and it happens in bedrooms for the same reason.
• They need a key. A small key, easily dropped, easily lost, and a different shape on cheap cuffs than on real ones. A restraint that cannot be removed without an object you have to find is a bad restraint for play.
• They are cold and they bruise. Fine as a sensation for a minute; not fine for twenty.

None of this makes handcuffs evil. It makes them a tool designed to hold a resisting prisoner, used for a purpose it was not designed for.

Types of handcuffs: metal, play, padded, fluffy

If you are going to use metal cuffs anyway

1. Find the double lock and use it. On most cuffs it is a small pin or slot on the side of the body; push it with the back of the key after closing the cuff. The ratchet then cannot tighten. If your cuffs have no double lock, they are not safe for play at all.
2. Close them loose. Two fingers between the cuff and the wrist, minimum. They do not need to be tight to be inescapable; the hand cannot pass through anyway.
3. Pad them. A sock, a strip of cloth, or a wristband between the cuff and the skin spreads the edge.
4. Keep them above the wrist bone on the forearm, not on the bone.
5. Key in sight, on the bedside table, and a spare in the drawer. Test the key before the cuffs go on.
6. No struggling scenes. Metal cuffs and CNC or resistance play do not mix; struggling is how the nerve gets hurt even with the double lock on.
7. Short. Fifteen minutes, hands checked often, off at the first tingle in the thumb or fingers.
8. Never to a fixed point that holds the arms up or behind for long; cuffs to a headboard with the arms slack is the limit.
9. Never alone, and never for self-bondage; a lost key in self-bondage is a genuine emergency.

How to use handcuffs during sex

1. Negotiate, including a safeword and a non-verbal signal. See the consent guide.
2. Choose the position (below) and cuff accordingly: wrists together in front, wrists together behind (short only), or wrists to a bedpost.
3. Put them on slowly, making the click part of the scene. Check two fingers of slack. If metal, double lock.
4. Check the hands every few minutes: warm, pink, no tingling.
5. Do things. A cuffed partner cannot touch back, cannot cover themselves, cannot move away. See below.
6. Release before anyone is uncomfortable; rub the wrists; check for marks.
7. Aftercare, as for any restraint scene.

Positions with handcuffs

• Wrists together in front, lying on the back: the safest and most comfortable. Arms can rest on the chest or be raised overhead. Good for everything.
• Wrists together above the head, cuffs around a bedpost or headboard slat: the classic. Keep the elbows slightly bent; do not stretch the arms. Twenty to thirty minutes.
• Wrists together behind the back, kneeling or lying on the side: strong D/s position, hard on shoulders and the ulnar nerve. Ten to fifteen minutes, play cuffs only.
• One wrist to each bedpost: two pairs of cuffs or cuffs plus rope; a spread-eagle. Thirty minutes.
• Wrists to ankles: a hogtie-style fold; short, and only with padded cuffs.
• Face down with wrists cuffed in front and tucked under: avoid; the weight is on the cuffs.

What to do with a cuffed partner

The point of cuffs is that they cannot stop you. So: blindfold them and touch everywhere but where they want; tease with a vibrator they cannot move away from; spank or flog if that is on the list; talk to them (praise or degradation); edge them (edging); have sex with them while they cannot participate with their hands; or make them watch you. The hub guide's section on what to do with a tied partner has the full list.

What are fluffy handcuffs for?

Fluffy (or furry) handcuffs are metal ratchet cuffs with a fake-fur sleeve over the cuff body. They are sold as a soft, approachable version of handcuffs for couples, and they are enormously popular as a first toy and a gift. The fur pads the edge, which helps, but underneath is a ratchet that tightens like any other, usually with a cheap key and often without a working double lock. Treat them as metal cuffs: loose, double-locked if possible, short, key in sight. The fur also cannot be washed easily. As a one-night novelty they are fine; as a toy you keep, a pair of padded play cuffs is better in every way.

Stuck, lost key, and how to get out of handcuffs

Lost key: most standard handcuffs use a universal key, so any other handcuff key opens them, and they are cheap to buy as spares; buy two when you buy cuffs. Cheap novelty cuffs often use a proprietary key, which is one more reason not to buy them. Shimming: many single-locked cuffs can be opened by sliding a thin strip of metal (a bobby pin's flat end, a shim cut from a drinks can) between the ratchet arm and the body while squeezing the cuff slightly tighter, which lifts the pawl. This does not work on double-locked cuffs. Picking: the lock is simple and a bent bobby pin, pushed in and turned like the key, often works. Last resort: bolt cutters on the chain (which frees the hands but leaves the cuffs on each wrist) or a locksmith, or an emergency department if the hand is numb or discoloured. Prevention: key tested, key in sight, spare key, and play cuffs that need no key at all.

Where to buy handcuffs and what they cost

Play handcuffs and padded cuffs: any adult store, including the store's handcuff collection, for fifteen to fifty dollars; real steel police cuffs from police supply and security stores for twenty to sixty dollars; novelty and fluffy cuffs from general retailers for ten to twenty. If you buy metal, buy a reputable brand with a working double lock and a universal key, and buy a spare key. The best value for a bedroom is a pair of padded cuffs with a chain, which clink, look right, and release in seconds.

Cleaning handcuffs

Metal cuffs: wipe with a damp cloth and mild soap, dry thoroughly, and put a drop of light oil on the ratchet occasionally; never submerge for long (they rust). Play cuffs with padding: wipe the metal, hand-wash removable padding, air dry. Leather: damp cloth, leather conditioner occasionally. Fluffy cuffs: the fur sleeves sometimes come off for a hand wash; if not, spot clean and accept that they are not a long-term toy.

Frequently asked questions

How do you use handcuffs in bed?

Negotiate a safeword, cuff the wrists together in front or to a headboard with two fingers of slack, double-lock metal cuffs so they cannot tighten, keep the key in sight, check the hands every few minutes, keep the scene short, and release at the first tingling. Play cuffs with a quick release are safer than metal.

Are handcuffs safe for sex?

Police-style metal cuffs are the riskiest common restraint: thin, hard, and they tighten under movement onto the wrist nerve. Padded play cuffs with a non-tightening closure are safe for ordinary bedroom use. If using metal, double-lock, loosen, pad, keep it short, and keep the key in sight.

Do handcuffs hurt?

Loose, double-locked, padded, and short, they are uncomfortable rather than painful. Tight, ratcheting, or worn through struggling, they bruise and can compress the wrist nerve, causing numbness and weakness that lasts days or weeks.

What are fluffy handcuffs for?

A soft-looking version of handcuffs for couples: metal ratchet cuffs under a fake-fur sleeve. The fur pads the edge but the ratchet still tightens, so use them as metal cuffs: loose, short, key in sight. Padded play cuffs are the better long-term toy.

How do you get out of handcuffs without a key?

Any standard handcuff key opens most cuffs, so buy a spare. Single-locked cuffs can often be shimmed with a thin metal strip or picked with a bobby pin. Double-locked cuffs cannot be shimmed. Bolt cutters on the chain or a locksmith are the last resort; a numb or discoloured hand is an emergency department.

Can you bring handcuffs on a plane?

In checked luggage, generally yes. In carry-on, rules vary by country and airport; they are often allowed but may be questioned. Padded play cuffs attract less attention than steel. Check your airline and security authority.

Where can I buy handcuffs?

Play and padded cuffs from adult stores for $15 to $50; steel police cuffs from police supply stores for $20 to $60; novelty and fluffy cuffs from general retailers for $10 to $20. Buy a reputable brand with a working double lock and a spare key if you buy metal.

Do all handcuffs use the same key?

Most standard police-style cuffs use a universal key, so spares are cheap and interchangeable. Cheap novelty and fluffy cuffs often use their own key, which is a reason to avoid them.

What is the best alternative to handcuffs?

Padded cuffs with a short chain or clip: they look and sound like handcuffs, spread pressure over a wide band, and release in seconds with a buckle or velcro. They are also safe to attach to a headboard or under-bed system.